Lockdown

When I sit down to write for Echoes, I become extremely insecure and anxious.

Not necessarily because I’m afraid you won’t like what I post but because I wrestle with whether or not I know anything worth saying.

I get in my own head and psych myself out and I don’t write.

I stare at the computer.

I start cleaning the house.

I get some more coffee.

I do anything but write.

I spent some time mediating and reflecting this morning.

Tomorrow, I will be 26 and so I decided to recall some of the events of the last year of my life.

And I realized that subconsciously, I suppose, I’ve been in some sort of ‘mental depression’.

Not a ‘depression’ that has caused must shift in my emotional health but one that has locked down my creativity and my energy to create.

I’m not sure how long this ‘depression’ has lasted but it has held captive many ideas and thoughts that have come to mind in the past week or so.

I’m use the word ‘depression’ lightly because I don’t want to be dramatic nor do I wish to relate this mental shutdown to those of you who have experienced that heavy blanket of sadness.

I just can’t think of a better word for it right now.

I really don’t know how to end this post except to say it was good to get that out.

 

2 thoughts on “Lockdown

  1. It take time to say good to yesterday,hopes and dreams, to your Previous life, when God is taking you in a new direction, your old dreams and life much have a proper goodbye, before you can make way for the new. I believe this is what you feeling, we all experience this, at certain stage of our life, right before the next stage of my life begins, before you really start to dreams again. I hope this will help you, keep pushing forward, keep pressing forward, take a moment to look inward, but continue to look upward toward Heaven

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